I want to expand more on the exact reasons why I feel like I need a break on occasion. I'm not going to go into any detail here on the exact events that have occurred but more my own reaction to them, because I think that's part of the issue.
I used to be a private person. I never really let anyone in as it were. It's not that I specifically kept people out, it's just that I never let anyone in. It just wasn't habit and part of it was that I didn't know how.
A lot of people talk about how a love, specifically a first love, changed things. The same is true for me. I had found someone that I wanted to open up to. Someone that I wanted to tell what was going on in my head and in my heart. It was scary and I was still hesitant but slowly I started to let things out to her.
We broke up but remained friends and she eventually introduced me to the people that would become my current core group of friends. As I came to know these people I began to open up more to them as well. Through several trials even more of my heart was laid bare.
Last year after going out of state to see about a woman and realizing it wouldn't work I became depressed. I came out of that changed. Specifically it seems that my heart is even more open now. Nearly all filters I had, the way my mind worked to avoid feeling raw emotions, are gone. I feel it all now and I'm still coming to terms with what that means, especially when I have been and still want to be a very rational, logical person.
What adds to this is the fact that I tend to be very empathetic to those that I am close to. Previously this has come on in short bursts. However I think that now it's a good possibility that these times will be longer in duration. As such I will be dealing with other people's emotions as well.
So in short I'm feeling a lot more than I am accustomed to and it's going to take a while to get used to it. I don't really know how to do that aside from talking to get it out or getting away from people so I don't take on those emotions myself. If anyone has any thoughts on how to deal with this please feel free to share.
Comments (2)
I just wanted you to know that I'm really glad you joined our group of friends. You've been a source of encouragement to me lately, whether you know it or not. I really appreciate your help with my TV and hooking it up - you did a good job. :) And I also appreciate you being there for me when we went to get a drink with Suzi the night of Dave's party, and letting me vent and smoke with you.
You're loved.
Hello Ian,
You made your site simple yet elegant. I see that you have a wide variety of interests and observations here!
I’m sending an important message to people from Jehovah God that is in the Bible: 4 The person who keeps on sinning is guilty of not obeying the Law of God. For sin is breaking the Law of God. (1John 3:4) (NLV)